Uncanny X-Men # 427-435
I knew this moment would come. The “Draco.”
Here’s the brief. We have three stories, all running parallel, and each one dealing father issues.
In one subplot, we have Professor X and Annie (along for the ride) getting a tour of Lorna’ loony-tunes mind. We discover she’s crazy because she’s A) Magneto’s daughter, for real; and B) she survived Genosha. Okay, we’re okay here. It’s not great, but it’s okay.
In another subplot, we have the Juggernaut heading up to visit Sammy, then finds out that Sammy’s father beat him. Juggernaut beats up Sammy’s father, then battles with Alpha Flight, before being arrested. A little later (though included), he does She-Hulk and finds the kid from a while ago who was abusing animals and somehow gained Juggernaut’s powers.
In the main plot, it’s revealed that Nightcrawler is the son of a Mutant/Devil guy named Azazel. It turns out that Mystique and Azazel did the nasty years ago on Earth so that she would have a Mutant baby that could one day free Azazel from his prison – even though he escaped before to whore himself out so that he could lay the seeds to escape. Yeah. That’s right.
So, Nightcrawler has brothers in Abyss and a new character that we never see again named Kiwi Black. The X-Men get pulled to Azazel dimension, it’s revealed that angels and demons are really Mutants (making Christianity moot, I guess), and of course an obligatory battle scene plays out.
Azazel falls down, goes boom. Nightcrawler comes home with his new brothers (love that anime smile on Abyss’ face!) and they all live happily ever after. The end.
I hate this fucking story. I’m sorry. It’s the worst X-Men story ever. I mean that completely. I’ve read some whoppers here, too. Crimson Pirates? The Neo? Candra? Revanche? Secret War 2? All of it is better than this.
The art is horrendous. Even Ron Garney’s work is subpar here. It’s like someone drew some form of pose and action on the pages, toss some ink on it and said it was done. The fill-in on the last issue is such a drastic style change, my eyes actually had whiplash (okay, well maybe not, but you get what I mean).
The pacing is quite all over the place. The story in it of itself is absurd. Other than the MASSIVE FREAKING PLOTHOLE I listed above, it’s just stupid. Why make Nightcrawler the son of the Mutant Devil? What is the point of that? We’ve already had his faith shaken and the priesthood cast away. Why go the next step? There doesn’t even appear to be any ramifications from this, either. He just kinda accepts it.
The biblical Mutants concept is like an insult to Christians. What’s the point of that too other than for me to say “No, that’s stupid?”
And Mystique is not a crazy person. I’d rather just take that Mystique as the one that stabbed Banshee’s throat and not the one doing secret missions for Professor X (which I unfortunately couldn’t include as I don’t have those issues).
Furthermore, Lorna being Magneto’s father is just lame. It was lame in the 60s and it’s lame now. Plus, wasn’t it proven in the Age of Apocalypse that it wasn’t true?
The only redeeming point is the Juggernaut story, only because Austen has done a fairly good job with Cain Marko. It could have all been done in one issue, mind you, but whatever.
This is as bad as it gets.
~W~
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