Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Uncanny X-Periment # 114: "Holy War"

Uncanny X-Men # 417-427

The X-Men investigate a subsidary of Worthington Industries run by Maximus Lobo. Wolveirne, Northstar, Archangel and Husk confront Lobo, and it turns out he's a Mutant Werewolf thingy. As Northstar rushes Logan back to the mansion, Husk and Archangel are hunted by Lobo and his fellow Werewolves. Eventually, they're gravely injured and left in a field . . . however, Archangel's blood heals the both of them. A new theory is presented to them - what if Mutants of the same type begin to battle it out for supremacy?

Lobo eventually runs off when the rest of the X-Men show up. The X-Men return to the mansion, where (in the meantime) one crazy-ass Polaris has assualted Annie because she's banged on Havok's head after Carter kinda got locked in a telepathic hold with him. Professor X shows up, saves the day, and Alex is awake! Yay! And now Husk and Archangel kinda like each other. Yay . . . uh . . . huh? Okay, more on that later.

So, Alex is awake and Lorna immediately proposes. Annie is devastated because she has a crush on Alex, which started when he was in a coma. Nightcrawler (who is experiencing a crisis of faith), Alex, and Lorna head off to the Bermuda Triangle and are attacked by the Church of Humanity (who are subtley wiped out by Polaris). Back at the mansion, Alpha Flight shows up, tussels with the team, and takes away Sammy Pare - much to his buddy's Juggernaut's dismay.

The X-Men then wake up to a bunch of their friends crucified on the front lawn - including Magma, Jubilee, Bedlam, and Skin. In due time, it's revealed that Skin is dead, but everyone else pretty much survived. The X-Men hunt down the Church of Humanity - again. The Church of Humanity's plot is then revealed. There's something about the Pope and Kurt and Revelations and a part of the Christian faith that Catholics don't believe in. Again, more on that later. In the end, it turns out the Supreme Pontiff is a woman who was sexually abused, then punished for it by the Catholic Church. She dies.

Well, after all that, the wedding day comes. There's some zany times at the Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties, but when the big day comes, Alex realizes he loves Annie and not Lorna. He dumps Lorna at the alter. Lorna goes UBERCRAZY and chases them all around the estate until Juggernaut jumps in and takes care of things. Annie and Alex then hook, having telepathically dated during his time in the coma thanks to Carter.

Then, there's a poorly research but decently enjoyable story about Skin's funeral and Archangel at a hospital.

I think the best way to tackle this little era is to take a look at the characters who are the most promenient (well, except for Iceman and Northstar) (Northstar's gay, by the way. Did you know that? He's gay. He's gay, just so you know. That means he likes men. Dudes. Not chicks. Men. He likes men because he's gay).

Anyways . . .

Alex-Lorna-Annie-Carter
Where do we start? Let's go alphabetical.
I like that Alex is back, but the whole "all I remember is that the plane exploded, then I was in darkness" comments bothers me. So Mutant X never happened? Everyone who bought that comic and watched as Alex's character developed was pretty much swindled? Plus, the whole handling of Lorna was just wrong on Alex's part. Alex isn't as emotionally reserved as Scott. He would have put the breaks on the marriage bus before it got out of control and given his history with Lorna, he most certainly shouldn't have broken things off at the alter and then sprinted off to Paris to make out with Annie.

As for Annie . . . well, I'm all for human characters joining the cast, but Annie just doesn't fit. She comes in, shows everyone up, is played up like a saint next to Loony Lorna. I understand that Lonra is nutty, but she watched an entire country get ripped apart right in front of her very eyes and then had the thoughts and memories of all those dead people transmitted through her. Yet, instead of making her sympathetic, Lorna is a super-huge jealous crazy-ass quasi-Magneto bitch. Annie, who had a obsessive crush on a comatose man is portrayed as Mary freaking Poppins whose only major flaw is that she struggles with being around mutants.

Lorna is getting the short end of the stick. Throughout every issue, Lorna is portrayed as either a snotty bitch or a total crazy. It's just not Lorna. It looks like her, they have the same power, but it's not Lorna Dane. Despite what she went through, she's acting more like Malice than Polaris. Heck, if Malice had shown up at some point down the line and said something like "Haha! Ever since the X-Men snagged me from Genosha, I was taken over by Malice! Haha!" then the story would have actually been fifty frillion times better.

Juggernaut
I actually very much like what Austen has done with the Juggernaut. He's actually developing quite nicely, moving away from the thug of old and into an enjoyable, relatible character.

Nightcrawler
I don't completely understand why there was a need to completely destroy Kurt's priesthood. The Church of Humanity didn't really shake his faith at all. Exploding wafers? Gimme a break. All Kurt would do is laugh at that.

Husk-Archangel
I still don't understand this pairing. It just doesn't work. I mean, hey, Paige has a crush on Warren . . . but it doesn't make any sense. She's young, but she's also not mature enough for Warren. Warren has always gone out with women who were mature and strong. Candy Southern was rich and super-confident, Charlotte Jones was a cop, and Betsy was a pyschic British Ninja thing. Paige? She's confident and in a hurry to grow up, but is still so young and lacks the maturity we've seen in Warren's previous suitors. It's just a very confusing pairing.

Maximus Lobo
I really wish we had seen more of these nutty guys. The concept was neat and worth exploring.

Church of Humanity
I . . . I can't even bring myself to comment.

Little things:
I hated the way Stacey-X was just kinda dismissed. Y'know, Casey may have written her to be a prostitute, but he at least gave her class and development. Austen was just kinda like "she's a whore, so let's have her be the dirtiest person EVER!"

Chamber was well-handled, but left far too open.

And please tell me soomeone wrote a fanfic about why Angelo's name was spelled wrong and please tell me it had to do with his faking his own death years ago. Please. Because I'll immediately accept that as canon.

The art wasn't too bad, even though Garney and Tan both kinda fell apart towards the end there. But to be honest, the whole Austen run is like that. It starts off okay, and with every couple of issues, it just goes down and down . . .

~W~

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